


Speak to My Frozen Heart If You Wish to be Heard

by deamsgirl



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, M/M, post-coe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 02:30:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8185795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deamsgirl/pseuds/deamsgirl
Summary: Jack hides away on a planet made of ice, hoping for a day when the memory of Ianto Jones doesn't leave him shaking with grief.





	

The backwater planet Jack finds himself on is a miserable little rock with polar weather and not enough food to support its inhabitants. Jack's starved to death a few times, jerked awake to feel the meat put back on his bones and the biting hunger gone from his belly, but he doesn't much feel like eating these days anyway.

A young widow named Nora found him shivering in the cold a few days after he arrived and invited him into her home. She's a good woman and a gracious host, but Jack spends most of his time in his room flipping through pictures or trying to sleep, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ianto in his dreams. Nora doesn't pry into his business much and leaves Jack to himself most of the time, but when their paths cross, Jack can see the spark of interest in her eyes; he knows what she wants from him but it's not something he can give right now, if ever, so he avoids her as much as he can while living in the same house.

Sometimes he stands outside in the cold for hours, lets the snow fall on his overheated face, and thinks back to the times Ianto would drag him to the park after a snow shower; how Ianto would laugh like he was a little boy again before hurling a snowball at Jack's head. Tears slip hot and wet down Jack's face as he remembers and they sparkle like tiny crystals as they drop onto his coat and freeze there.

On those days Nora usually ends up dragging him back inside, chilled and shivering, to fuss over his carelessness, but the words bounce off Jack like they were never spoken. He sits quietly in front of the fire and thinks he doesn't deserve the warmth; he should stay in the cold until his body gives out over and over again, and maybe—just maybe—it will finally be the time he doesn't wake up.

He wishes now more than ever that sleep came easily to him; that he didn't have to lie in the darkness with spots and memories he doesn't want to remember swimming before his eyes. That's how Nora finds him when she slips into his room one night, thin nightgown clinging to her body as she begs him for something he lost the ability to provide the moment Ianto died in his arms. “You're allowed to move on,” she whispers in the almost pitch blackness. “For a long time after James passed away, I thought I could never connect with another human being again. But you can, if you'll let yourself.” She speaks the last few words against Jack's lips, her mouth pressed hotly against his and the feel of it scalds him.

He puts his hands firmly on both of her shoulders, bone-thin and shuddering beneath his touch, and pushes her away. “I can't,” he says and he's dismayed to feel the wetness prick the corners of his eyes.

“She would have wanted you to be happy,” Nora replies softly. “She wouldn't have wanted you to waste away like you are now.”

“Ianto,” Jack says hoarsely. “His name was Ianto and he... nothing can replace him. There's no moving on from him.”

Nora looks baffled for a moment before she withdraws, arms wrapping around her body as she looks at Jack with infinite sadness. “I just want to connect with someone,” she murmurs. “I don't want to feel alone anymore.”

Jack runs a hand through his hair. “You will,” he says. “But not with me.”

Jack packs his bag the moment she leaves, fleeing the room as though Jack might follow after her. He won't. He presses the heel of his hand against his eyes as Ianto's face floods his mind, happy and loving and everything that makes Jack shake with grief at night. There is no moving on from Ianto Jones.


End file.
